


Let's Fall to Pieces Together

by Quo_Usque



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dissociation, Everyone is suffering, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s04e10 Carnage of Krell, Pre-Relationship, Umbara, could be read as gen if you want, dogma: mentioned, echo: mentioned, emotional aftermath of shit/fan collision, fives is suffering, give them hugs, i mean it's kinda fluffy more like prickly?, including me, krell is a terrible horrible no good very bad person, prickly angst?, rex is suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 17:06:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17491889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quo_Usque/pseuds/Quo_Usque
Summary: Immediately post-Umbara, Rex is barely holding it together, and Fives is pissed. After coming thiiiiis close to straight-up decking his CO, Fives goes wandering the hallways of the ship that night, and runs into Rex, who proceeds to have a breakdown in his lap. That's it, that's the fic.You want to see Rex and Fives having all sorts of Suffer Emotions? You want Rex crying into Fives' shoulder? You want poor confused angry Fives holding his captain as he breaks down? YOU WANT FEELS? well i got your fuckin feels right here babes so STEP RIGHT UP and clicky the ol' link up thereUmbara was won. Krell was dead. Hardcase was dead. Dogma was gone. And Fives wanted to punch something.





	Let's Fall to Pieces Together

**Author's Note:**

> *cowboy voice* pardon me, ma'am, but you left your tears oooon the jukebox, and i'm afraid, they got mixed uuup with miiiiine
> 
> many thanks to george straight and my sister's incessant need to listen to country music non-stop for the title. Maybe one day I'll be able to come up with a non-song fic title, but today is not that day.
> 
> Please remember to kudos and comment, it's how i pay emotional rent
> 
> (not beta'd, so feel free to point out typos)

Umbara was won. Krell was dead. Hardcase was dead. Dogma was gone. And Fives wanted to punch something. Angry tears tracked down his cheeks beneath his helmet as he stood in the middle of the organized chaos that was the remainder of Torrent Company loading gear, weapons, and injured men onto the transports to join Ghost Company in orbit. Technically, he and Jesse were still under arrest, not on the active duty list, so no duties had been assigned to them. Maybe Rex would quietly bury that little bit of paperwork. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d stand by and watch the gears of war churn its way through Fives and Jesse, just like he had watched Krell churn his way through half of Torrent. Rex stood in the hangar yard, directing troops, receiving reports. Being a captain. Fives’ fingernails were digging into his palms through his gloves. His jaw ached, he was clenching his teeth so hard. He turned and stalked towards Rex. He had no idea what he was going to do, if was going to hit his captain, or say... something, he didn’t know what. Scream that Rex should have at least tried to save Dogma. Should have said something. His fists shook at his sides as he approached his captain. Rex was issuing orders in that same calm tone of command he always had. Rex’s captain voice had always made Fives feel safe, calm, like everything was going to be okay. Now, it just pissed him off. _How dare Rex just stand there when he...._ He didn’t even know what. How dare he act like everything was normal. How dare he act like their captain.

Kix approached Rex from the other side, and Fives paused, a few yards away. Rex hadn’t seen him yet. He still didn’t know if he wanted to punch Rex, but whatever he was going to do, he wasn’t going to do it in front of Kix. Kix gave a murmured report, too quiet for Fives to hear. Rex answered, just as quietly, and, unbidden, the memory of Rex’s voice, telling Kix to leave the wounded, leave their brothers behind, came to the forefront of Fives’ mind. He choked out an angry sob, his breath quickening. Rex put a hand on Kix’s shoulder and said something. The medic nodded, then left. Fives started forward. 

As soon as Kix left, Rex- changed. It was like he crumpled from the inside. He ran a hand over his face, smudging a streak of ash on his cheek, eyes unfocused. He didn’t look like a captain, he looked- he looked like Dogma had, right after he had shot Krell. It only lasted for a second- when Rex noticed Fives coming towards him, he snapped straight, his Captain face sliding back into place without a hitch. Fives' chest felt tight, and his whole body felt clenched. He could almost feel himself swinging at Rex, feel the impact, driving his fist into his face, making him bleed, like Hardcase, like Stinger, like so many others- _Dogma had looked so scared,_ when Fives eased the blaster from his hands. Empty and hopeless and alone. Rex opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly, Fives didn’t want to hear it. He stalked right past Rex, and headed into the ship.

Back in his quarters on the flagship that night, Fives couldn’t sleep. He was restless, filled with a kind of manic energy. He hadn’t said a word to anyone, and no one talked to him, glancing away at the look on his face. He felt like he was drifting, apart from everyone else, like everything since Dogma had fired that shot was some sort of distant memory, or a dream. A fog had settled between him and reality. Numbly, he stood, unable to tolerate lying still in his bunk. He threw on a t-shirt over his sleep pants and padded out of the bunk room, barefoot. The silence was almost loud in his ears. He wondered, if he shouted, if it would actually make a sound at all. He wandered the corridors, not sure where he was going. Most of the ship was in night mode, so he didn’t see anyone else, and the stale, recycled air felt like it was congealing in his lungs. He wished he were still on that hell of a planet beneath them. Maybe if he could feel a breeze, something, anything, he might feel like he was real again.

Fives rubbed the fingers of his hand against his palm as he walked, wishing he had something to fidget with. The oppressive sense of unreality was thick and cloying and he almost wanted to scream. He breathed in sharply through his nose, but it didn’t help at all.

“...Fives?” Fives stopped. Rex was sitting on the ground in his blacks, his back against one of the walls of the corridor. Fives had almost walked right past him.

“Rex. Hey.” he said. The tension in his chest loosened. Talking was good, talking was _real_.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Rex said. His voice was hoarse.

“Yeah.” Fives said.

“Me neither.” Rex huffed out something that might have been meant to be a laugh. Fives looked closer at him. Rex looked awful. His face was drawn and ashy, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He still had streaks of dirt and blood in his hair and on his skin- he hadn’t even made it to the showers yet.

“You okay?” Fives asked, sitting down next to Rex. Rex looked away from him.

“No.” he whispered.

“Me neither.” Fives said, just as quietly. Rex looked down at his knees. He looked small, and tired, and lost. Fives didn’t know if he should leave or not, didn’t know if he should feel pity, or anger, or viciously glad that Rex was suffering, too. He thought of Krell. _ARC-5555, stand down._ Krell, mocking Rex. _You’re shaking, aren’t you Captain?_ Rex _was_ shaking. It was subtle, but now that Fives was right next to him, he could see it. Rex’s breaths were shuddering out of him, and the hands he had brought up to brace on the sides of his head were trembling. Had Rex stopped shaking at all since that final confrontation with Krell?

“Rex, hey,” Fives reached out a hand and laid it on Rex’s shoulder. Even through his blacks, his skin felt cold.  
Rex drew in a breath.

“Fives, I...” his voice choked off, and he tried again. “I didn’t...” Rex curled in on himself, and his breath came in harsh gasps, too rapidly to get words out. Fives realized that Rex was holding on to himself by the skin of his teeth, teetering on the edge of something awful. It unnerved him. Fives had never seen his captain like this, and he didn’t like it at all. 

“Hey, Rex, no,” He moved his hand around Rex’s shoulders and reached out to draw Rex into a hug. With a strangled sob, Rex buried his face into Fives’ shoulder and grabbed onto his shirt, and Fives had to wrap his arms around him to keep him from collapsing into his lap. “Shh, hey, Rex, I’ve got you.” he whispered.

And just like that, the world was very, very real again, and Rex was clinging to him, shaking, and his tears were making the shoulder of Fives’ shirt stick to his skin uncomfortably, and he smelled like a week of sweat and blood and dirt, and he was real and in Fives’ arms and Fives held him close and buried his nose in his hair, whispering _I’ve got you, I’ve got you,_ over and over. 

Fives was reminded viscerally of when their positions had been reversed, right after the Citadel mission, when Rex had held him as he cried out his grief over Echo into his shoulder. Rex hadn’t left him alone for days, making him shower, making him eat, letting him curl into his arms at night so he could sleep without nightmares keeping him awake. His throat stung, and he missed Echo so sharply he couldn’t breathe for a moment. Everything- Echo, Hardcase, Dogma, the firing squad, the ambushes, the kriffing twelve hour march- came bubbling back up and swamped him and tears spilled over as he sobbed out his anger and fear and grief into Rex’s hair. He tucked Rex’s head beneath his cheek and curled around him, holding him tight to his chest, as Rex shook and broke down in his arms. 

 

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, because of course he did, he always had Rex’ back, that’s what Fives was _for._

Even after their tears were spent, Rex still clung to him, shaking, not ready to leave the safety of Fives’ arms. At last, his shuddering slowed, and he started to put himself back together. Fives straightened his arms as Rex sat back up, working out the cramps. Rex leaned his head back against the wall, eyes shut. He had a hand on his chest, rubbing his knuckles over his heart, as if he could somehow ease the tightness there. Neither of them said anything. Fives didn’t know what _could_ be said. There wasn’t exactly a protocol for your CO breaking down and having a panic attack in your arms and getting his snot and tears all over your shirt in the middle of the night. He glanced at Rex. There was a tightness to his face still, but it was mostly overridden by exhaustion. Fives stood, making an executive decision before Rex ended up sleeping in the corridor.

“Come on.” He offered a hand to Rex. Rex opened his eyes, took Fives' hand, and let Fives pull him to his feet.

“You should get some sleep, sir.” Fives said.

“Yeah.” Rex said. He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I.... yeah.” Their hands were still clasped between them. Rex glanced up, meeting his eyes. “You too, Fives. Take care of yourself, yeah?”

Fives nodded. “You, too, Rex.” The ghost of a smile passed across Rex’s face.

“G’night, Fives.” His hand slipped from Fives’ as he turned towards his quarters.

“ ‘Night, Rex.” 

Fives returned to his bunk. He felt empty. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, and not have to think about waking up. He pulled off his soiled t-shirt and curled himself into a ball beneath his blanket. He brought the shirt to his nose and breathed in. It smelled just a little bit like Rex. He fell asleep with the shirt wrapped around his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I have plans for how this directly leads into a relationship for these two. Normally when I headcanon out relationship plots for my ships, theres a shit ton of emotions and awkward confessions and pining and fluff. But for these two this is pretty much the most feels-heavy part, the rest is just a lot of porn. I mean, porn with feelings, but still just a lot of fucking. 
> 
> Kudos and comments make my week! How does this continue for Rex and Fives? What do you think? Should I save Dogma or fridge him for angst fuel?
> 
> I'm on tumblr @quousque, but all my star wars stuff is on my sideblog, @maulusque. Come bother me i shriek a lot


End file.
